based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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