I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
porn star boner night. come get it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
