well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
