she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
