$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
