I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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