Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
