You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
