This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
