I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
