I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
