About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
