I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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