The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
