You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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