He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
