is your mom at the bar?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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