We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
