only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
