Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
