i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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