Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
