If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Please don't give away my fajitas
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