Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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