I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize