so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
