Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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