Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
