Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
