they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
