So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I believe in your delicious
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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