North Korea, Best Korea!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
