I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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