I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
