What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
