"it" just moved
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
