I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
