she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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