thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
