i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
