someone threw a dead crab at me
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Apparently you make a good broom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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