You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
