I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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