If that was your dad, he is hot
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize