Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
