ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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