Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
