VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
MIDGETS
????
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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