I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
where are you?
Hypothermia
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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