The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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