he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
