I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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