dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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