OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
