I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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