you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
