it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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