when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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