party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize