i drank out of a bidet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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