Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize