Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
