Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
