No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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