so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
