Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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