It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize