Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
