Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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