Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
