Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
