I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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