I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Too much gin, very little bucket
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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