Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize