dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
