Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This baby is an asshole
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
