I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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