At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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