somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize