i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize