I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
