i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude i'm inner monologue high
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
false alarm, still single
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