i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
