dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize