Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
