i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
