Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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