You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
