you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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