i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
