she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
