terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
