at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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