swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
