so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
