i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
