Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
