he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
