is your mom at the bar?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
