I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
