I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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