She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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