I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize