Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
