Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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