The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
