Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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