I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
