Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
